Must My Aspiring Influencer Pal Cease Using Me for Material?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?